Love and Sex

When I was young girl I thought I had life by the balls and that I could do anything I set my mind to. I was invincible. No man could break my heart. I was the one who would be breaking hearts. Nothing could bring me down.  My life was all mapped out. I would meet a cute guy, get married and have two kids. One girl and one boy and we would live in a big white house.

I was thirteen when I had my period for the first time. My sister figured it out because I kept going to the bathroom and she showed me how to use a pad. She was only a year older and didn’t tell me that it wasn’t just a one day thing. The next day I was still bleeding and scared out of my mind and that’s when I told my mother.  She told me to use a pad but never to use tampons. I never asked why.  My mother never talked about sex, I think vaginal issues embarrassed her. She was a virgin when she met my father and she never had any other sexual partner.  The only thing she told me about sex was to save myself for my husband as she had done.

The first time I had sex I was seventeen and he was twenty nine. I was very shy and I never told him it was my first time and by the time he realized that it was well by then it was over. It must have been boring for him because he never called me back after that. All I really remember is that it hurt and that I didn’t enjoy it.

I guess I was always attracted to older guys. When I was in my twenties I met Zane who was thirty five. Zane was so hot, we didn’t waste any time getting down to business. He introduced me to oral sex and thus began my most enjoyable sexual experiences. Have you ever had such good sex that you cry?  Well, Zane was obsessed with my body and that’s when I found out I had sexual powers. Female ejaculation is real! He was insatiable and I was transformed from a Charlotte to a Samantha. We had sex everywhere and every chance we got. We even had sex when I was on my period. Who does that? It seemed like I was naked all the time but I was learning new things and experience many types of orgasms so I wasn’t complaining. I was in love with this man and my life mission was to become his wife.

A few months of great sometimes unprotected sex does has it’s consequences though. The day I told Zane I was pregnant was the day he told me that he was already married. He professed his undying love for me and our unborn child but he never left his wife so I had to move on. Was it love? It certainly felt like it at the time but these days I am not so sure.

Exposed

He is not the man of my dreams

He is not the man of my dreams. He is my husband.

He is certainly not my prince and  I am not his princess.

He never swept me off my feet. He always sits on the couch and drinks beer.

He is not handsome and charming. He is annoying and angry.

He does not love me. He tolerates me.

He does not make love to me tenderly and hold me all night long. He fucks me and goes to sleep.

He does not care if I am sad or if he is the cause of my sadness.

No he is certainly not the man of my dreams for I don’t dream anymore.

Walking on air

She said that she dreamt of walking on air

She was young again and she conquered many worlds

She was so happy that she exploded like a supernova

But there is no galaxy in her throat now

For her smile is faded

Her cheeks are wet

Her skin is wrinkled

Her hair so white

All the stars have left her eyes

The princess and the toad

Once upon a time a prince who was actually a toad in disguised asked a beautiful princess to marry him and the princess said “Fuck no!” and she went on to live happily ever after. She traveled and met interesting people and cute guys and no one cared that she was a slut. She always put herself first and she went out whenever she wanted and she never had to cook or clean pee off her toilet seat. She had tons of shoes and clothes and made lots of money. All her friends and family thought she was cool and she never got cheated on. Ever.